Only at WalMart

There are a few things in this life that I hate... snakes, mayonaise, mushrooms, certain words, people who don't use blinkers, and going to WalMart. Some people don't understand my dislike for Walmart, but if you have been to the one here in Turlock you would completely understand. Here’s a little example… I once went there wearing Nate’s huge basketball shorts and ducky slippers (it was not intentional I promise), and well, I didn’t even stand out. I was slightly disappointed by it, I mean honestly if I am going to go to a store wearing ducky slippers I want someone to at least look at me!

So now to the real purpose of this post. I have wanted to make some curtains for the window in our living room for a while now. Unfortunately the only store in town that has fabric is WalMart. So the other day I just decided to be strong and go. My trip started out just as expected; driving through the parking lot trying to dodge large humans who are oblivious to the world, and trying to avoid their children who I’m pretty sure they had forgotten were even with them. I was trying to be quick, but getting in and out of there in a decent amount of time is like going one day without chocolate… impossible. There are people everywhere! The majority of those people don’t speak English so when I say “excuse me” I’m pretty sure they think I’m saying “oh thank you for letting your kids run wild and leaving your shopping cart parked sideways in the isle, it really makes my shopping trip so much more enjoyable.”

After all the excitement, I had what I needed and was ready to go, but first I had to make it through the line and pay. This is where the fun really began. I got to the front of the line and was waiting for the cashier to tell me how much I owed. I got nothin! All I hear is her freaking out saying “Ew, ew, ew,ew!” Over and over again. I thought a rat had just ran over her foot or something. I looked at her and asked if she was ok because I was a little concerned, if it was a rat I needed to leave pronto! She looked at me and said “Ew, look your total amount!” She turned her little screen so I could see and the amount was $6.66. It took me a second to realize why she was so grossed out by this, but then I just politely laughed and said “oh… wow… yeah, um, I think I’ll be ok.”

She was shocked, SHOCKED, that I would be ok with paying that amount. She was so shocked that she actually wouldn’t let me pay! She told me that this same thing happened before and she warned the girl who was paying but, just like me, she didn’t listen. Then that girl came back and told the paranoid cashier lady that she should have listened to her because that same night she was at a bbq and the grill exploded in her face. She then went on to tell me that she cannot let that same thing happen to me and that I need to buy something else to change the price. Well I didn’t want anything else, I was satisfied with my purchase, so I told her to just add a penny to my total. She couldn’t do that, so I had to buy a pack of gross old gum. I didn’t know what else to do, she was not going to let me pay!

So as she is ringing up my gum I hear the lady in line behind me say “wow that happens all the time to me at work. I always see numbers like 777 or 555 or sometimes my old address will pop up, and one time my son’s birthday followed by my birthday even popped up! It’s so trippy!” This lady had no idea why paranoid cashier was freaking out. At this point it was taking everything I had not to laugh. Here’s crazy clueless lady behind me trying to be involved in the convo, paranoid Patty the cashier in panic mode trying to save my life, and me just standing there soaking it all in and waiting for her to finally hand me my bag so I could leave. In the end it all turned out ok, Patty could go on and live a happy life knowing that she saved mine, and the gum she made me buy wasn’t half bad. And in case you were wondering, no I did not even find fabric for curtains, so basically my trip was useless.